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Yes, the breathing didn't help, I felt suffocated at the moment. Lighting candles and taking bath wouldn't have changed the thoughts and panic.. but listening to calming music, I did try that at the motel. Not a hope either.
Deciding not to care about what is going on in the moment is hard. Things build and build and yes, I don't feel like strangling someone so much as wishing I could just get away. But I've had the most hateful spiteful words and more come out of me in those panicky moments, where I realized I was duped once more.
Surrender, you have that right, in my mind. I listen to someone on youtube, and I usually, not always, feel calmer after. Taking a rest in the middle of what seems like chaos is very hard. I had to take more meds and I did get more sleep. I'm going to be ok.
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