You're not a failure, Rose You're trying to cope the best way you can. Sometimes things get too hard or outside of our controlo and thast's perfectly ok. No shame in that. Please don't be hard on yourself. I'm REALLY HAPPY someone is coming in tomorrow. Hopefully they'll be able to help you. Keep us updated if you wish. Please be kind to yourself and try not to neglect your own health - both physical and mental. I'm so sorry things are being so hard for you. I wish I've had better advice to give to you. I will listen though. Remember that you can always PM me when you wish. Stay strong, Rose. Take things one hour at the time, as it says under your profile picture. You've got this. You just need someone to help you. There's no shame in that, it's not a failure on your part. You've done everything you could have done. Now it's time for others to step in. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Rose!