I have these feelings too sometimes. Dwelling on them may be one of many things that came together and led to my attempt.

This is a good place to express these feelings. It is a tricky balance. We need to feel it and talk about it so that we don't let the negativity out of hand and cause us to do something irrational. However, we also need to either change or accept what is. If we aren't or can't change our circumstances then we need to acknowledge and let it go. When we can't let it go we need help. We might need to take some psych drugs to numb the pain if we can't handle it. This is my experience. Message me anytime. You know I can relate to much of what you are dealing with. Hugs.

Also, stress, trauma, bad relationships, etc. can cause depression and depression can make us unable to see what is possible (be positive--have positive vibrations). Try to watch and read positive things? I try not to watch too much news. I try to do something I enjoy everyday. I exercise everyday. I take psych meds that keep me from staying in despair. I am not saying do as I do but am saying to force yourself to do things that have helped you feel better in the past.

Also, happy music makes me feel so good:

Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys


Happy Snoopy


Anything ELO for me:
Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky