I have a 30yo son that has had several disorders over the past 15 years. He has most recently been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder. He has been suicidal several times in the past and is currently in crisis. I have spent days talking and texting him to help him get past these problems. He leads a very troubled life. I'm not sure where to go for my problem. I have also had psychological problems with depression, anxiety and panic attacks almost every day.

I suffer so much guilt after I have talked him through his suicidal times, because he suffers so much every day that maybe he would be better off dead. I have suicidal tendencies myself so I know exactly how he feels. I can't get past the thoughts that I am being selfish to talk him down. I have come so close to ending my own life together with him. A few years ago I was diagnosed with MS and my depression increased so much that I purchased a tank of nitrogen that I had planned for both of us to die together. I still have the nitrogen and 2 face masks connected to it. Please help me figure out what I can do.