Thank you NP ~ Yes, you touched on all the items that are bothering me about my last sessions. The desk is a big problem, as I feel that is a physical barrier. Her typing with those long red nails is a huge disruption, just the tapping noises and her turning her back to me to type is very annoying. It breaks my concentration. Yes, the telling me that I want to be depressed and what would it be like to me if I chose not to be depressed was extremely off-putting and I could not answer her question because I have never had a moment in my life where I experienced relief from chronic clinical depression. It was almost as if she was taunting me unfairly, catching me off guard and not preparing me for the question and not caring how I would react and not responding to my reaction at all, just leaving it handing in the air between us. This was said in the last moments of our session and then she suddenly announced our session was over. I was up and out of there with heart pounding in my ears fleeing to the bathroom to seek a sense of safety.
I hesitate to mention this, but what the heck, here goes.... what she wears is extremely off-putting. She wears dramatically red lipstick, dark lines around her eyes, with very long red nails. Her color plate of clothing is stark and harsh, same with her hair. It's soo odd that how a person presents themselves will affect a therapy session. I find I constantly look away to a fragmented picture of a person who is in pieces all over the picture which I also find disconcerting. I guess I am looking for the therapist who has a comfortable environment and does not have stark colors and scary pictures. I find nothing calm about her or her environment. I will go back one more time and observe instead of talk and ask her questions and see how she responds. She has remarkable and impeccable credentials, but there is where it all stops.
I am reaching out to other therapists today, but finding most no longer accept Medicare patients or all are no longer accepting insurance at all.
Thank you for your candid response NP
Birdie
Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
For me, there are several things that wouldn't work at all for me.
First, her sitting at her desk. That would feel cold and impersonal to me. My therapist sits in a chair across from me and sometimes moves to his rolling desk chair so he is closer to me.
Second, typing into a computer. That would be so distracting. I once had to do a phone interview with a forensic psychologist for a court case and she was typing and I found it really irritating (although, to be fair, I was already irritated at having to talk to her). My therapist takes notes on a notepad he keeps by his chair. Sometimes more, sometimes less. It doesn't (usually) bother me.
Third, asking you why you want to be depressed. What the hell kind of question is that?
Fourth, the lack of interaction. I understand that in the beginning the client is likely to do most of the talking, but there should still be some sort of interaction. Asking clarifying questions. Validating your feelings. I don't want to pay someone to sit there and be a note-taking robot.
I would personally keep looking for a therapist and see if I could find someone a little warmer.
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