Hi everyone,

I haven’t posted in a while, but I just needed to get some thoughts from others about my relationship with my husband. We both have mental health issues, but function pretty well with our medication. We have one kid(3.5). I want to have another kid and my husband is nervous about it being more than we can handle, and I do understand his concern. However, he agreed to start trying last summer, I have fertility issues and went straight to a doctor. We ended up getting pregnant right away and I miscarried, and we started trying again in feb. he has gone along with it even though he is concerned but it has been hard. I do have second thoughts about it as well, but I am almost certain I want another and I really don’t want the age gap any larger than it already will be, and I don’t want to wait longer because I have fertility issues. He would be ok with just one kid, but he says he would be fine trying for a second one eventually but won’t provide a time frame.

I am just upset because he is always complaining about how he does so much and I don’t appreciate him, when in realty it is me doing all of the cooking and shopping, 90 percent of housework, keeping track of things, and definitely more than half the child care unless you count him staying home with her more when she’s sick. He is a realtor and has more flexibility. I make most of the money and have for some time. His business is just starting to become profitable after two years of losing money. His reality is so different from mine and I get so angry that he thinks he does so much and he does not. I do appreciate what he does do but I am just flabbergasted that he thinks we contribute relatively equally when it couldn’t be further from the truth. The one thing he does more or than me is daycare drop off and pickup but I can’t think of anything else he actually contributes more to. He is supposed to mow the lawn but I have to babysit him and ask him to do it and then he gets annoyed that I micromanage him. It grew so long I ended up just paying someone to do it. Lawn mowing is like the only chore that is supposed to be his and he doesn’t do it.

I am nervous about having a second kid because of our mental health and how he just doesn’t seem to be able to handle stress well at all. I’m not great at it but definitely better. We are having a hard time even trying for a second kid because we are often tired and when my fertility issues we really need to try on certain days when I get a positive ovulation kit, and that’s hard for him. He gets angry and resentful that we have to have sex at specific times. I mean I get that he’s tried, but I become upset and frustrated at how hard it is to arrange us trying when we are supposed to. We should have last night and didn’t but that’s mostly because he was having too many second thoughts.

I am sure this all sounds kind of silly, and I know how typical it is for women to be doing more housework and being upset about it. I am fine with doing more than him but I would at least like him do some and not complain about how he does so much when he doesn’t. At least we are able to afford biweekly house cleaning now which helps a lot.

Do you guys have any thoughts or have you ever experienced something similar?