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Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
I'm still chatting with a online therapist who thinks I was terminated by my therapist because of this issue. Yes I lied otherwise no one would take me on. I sent him this article and said understanding still does not fix what is broken in me.
Yes, that article you sent accurately describes what you are experiencing. But, as you stated, knowledge does not necessarily equal healing. Given that you have a lot of experience in therapy, as well as good insight into your own issues, do you have any personal ideas on how you will "fix what is so broken in you"?
I sent this to my ex-T I still keep in touch with and he said that I was right, knowing is cognitive and doesn't fix trauma since trauma is in the body....
Still can not figure out how this inferno stops in me.
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I'm new here and reading this topic because the issue that brought me to these boards is having terminated my therapy over a very painful rupture, and I'm still struggling with the aftermath, especially the attachment problem.
I think this is very true, understanding is not healing, although it can help to buy time by being able to cope better, and it can maybe move me along the way towards healing by steps too little to notice. At least I think my actual bits of healing might not have happened without paving the way with lots of understanding.
And when I say 'healing', I mean stuff like a lot of murderous contempt directed at my childhood self (errrm ... CSA-related) just ... gone. Or, with my ex-T, an invalidating reaction of her not feeling invalidating anymore (still harmful, but not as much). Partial results, especially the latter, but ... there's that much less to cope with.
I'm not sure how to make these happen on purpose, though. One was a psychodrama playback, the other was ... suddenly recognising my own stress responses in my T's behaviour, and while my understanding did tell me, gradually, that she might not have meant to dismiss my feelings --> she almost certainly didn't mean to dismiss my feelings, but that realisation just put several little things in place, and the original experience no longer feels invalidating. Alas, I acquired some fresh wounds in the process, so this was more of a beneficial side effect
But still, encouraging that it happened. And I might have gone off-topic.
Back to attachment - I was kind of aware of the theory, and the concept of transference and mother/child bond did come up early in the therapy, I also have a history of getting attached to people to the point of obsession, and I fought it really hard in this relationship, and that probably contributed to it not working. Not sure what could have helped ... not avoidable I think ... maybe if my T became curious enough abt why I felt insecure in the relationship (instead of acting like my worries can't even be taken seriously - that was the thing I wrote about previously), it might have developed in a healthier way.