I'll post this now they are on there way home now. I wrote and added to this all night.

I’m sitting here almost in tears. Feeling like a burden and scared as hell. He didn’t want to leave me home alone. He doesn’t trust me. He wanted me to go and sit there while they were busy. He doesn’t know anything except I turned really cold and shut down pushing them out the door. It’s hard to breathe. I know I can do this. I put him through so much, he’s usually the enemy. I sit in my head All the time. Even what I say here I don’t say aloud. I’m so scared. He can’t babysit me always. He needs to live his life. I don’t tell him things anymore. He doesn’t need my **** too, plus he doesn’t see my/our problems as bad. We use to be close but he cuts me with his words now whenever I speak I’m wrong. I’m sensitive and he’s a mean depressed. This is week 1 how will I get through to week 16? Whenever really sick I think he’s trying to trick me to go IP. He hates me IP. We were talking about something else when it came up. He has never been IP. I fear that is because he doesn’t trust me. Plus we’re just bad at feeling we can handle it. I miss my WV T. I told her EVERYTHING in detail. She trusted me. I wrote everything because my fear of being judged (???). I don’t like the idea of scaring others. I look put together. I’m scared of the mental health system as a whole. If I knew that it’d just be therapy then I’d be okay to be honest. I don’t even know how to start the conversation. The closest thing I’ve said out loud is my thinking’s off and last week I felt impulsive. I told H last week I felt like I was drunk without drinking last week so he knew what I meant. It still took him a couple of days to put his sharp objects up. I’m no longer impulsive. H doesn’t say anything about his situation either because we’re both of the mindset that this is the best it gets. He talks to no one either.He’s on the same meds for the past 4 years. Spoiler: it doesn’t work well. He’ll be shocked if they want me IP. I think they’ll just want me to call pdoc. How do I explain things without being overdramatic? I only have 4 hrs. Well everything was too much and I started crying now I can’t stop.