So I was reading this article:

OCD And Fear Of Acting Out: Will You Really Do It?

It made me realize that the therapist I have talked to at least. Seem to have disregard exposure therapy when it comes to Harm OCD.

Little background on myself

I suffer from harm OCD and chronic depression (both were diagnosed by several therapists). Specifically the fear of taking my own life with a gun. Now my OCD didn’t really come into light until a bit over three years ago. Since then it’s been a constant battle.

Now before my OCD really kicked in I was a avid marksman and competing shooter. However nowadays I avoid owning any type of firearm, crossbow, big bore air rifle. It caused me to give up a great hobby and passion in exchange for fear and anxiety.

Now I have brought this up to my therapist many times. But as soon as they hear me merely utter suicide and the fact I possessed firearms. They immediately told me to get rid of them and never go near them again.

Now if you read this article it states that CBT and gradual exposure to the sufferers intrusive thoughts to build confidence that they won’t is key to overcoming OCD.

However I feel like that this is often not done when it comes to Harm OCD. I’m guessing because of the high stakes at play and liability reasons that therapist take on.

That’s why I’m going to start exposing myself to firearms a bit more. I’ve been shooting a few times this year with a friends guns. While out shooting not once did the thought of taking my own life with the gun I was shooting.

So my plan is to have my old man return the key for my gun safe where I keep my grandpas gun. However I’m going to give him all the ammo. Then after a few months I plan on keeping the ammo with the firearm.

I’m going to tell my therapist this later today at my appointment. I’m sure he’ll object and tell me to not do it. But this is something that has controlled me for too long. I’m just sick of letting the little voice dictating my life.