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sarahsweets · Aug 22, 2019, 10:48 AM

@SilverSprings:

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Originally Posted by SilverSprings

Hello, I am 24 weeks along in my pregnancy. It has not been easy. I had to leave my job early on due to stress. I tried to cold turkey it without any meds, but unfortunately that failed. Now I am dealing with a lot of crap. They still don't know if I am BPD or Bipolar2 or both or something on that spectrum.

Were you advised to go cold turkey? I was with one of my pregnancies and it was a nightmare and I went back on the meds pronto.

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All I DO know is right now I'm struggling. And I feel unsupported with my husband even though he thinks he is being supportive. And perhaps he is and im blinded by the hormones and the issues and needing to up my meds.

What ways is he supportive and what ways do you think he is unsupportive? its a very valid feeling for you to have.

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Before pregnancy I was on Lamictal (200 mg) + Lexapro (10 mg) and feeling pretty good. Now, I am back on 100 mg of Lamictal which seemed to be going well until recently. My peri-natal psych said I might need to go up more b/c when pregnant you get bigger and you also metabolize the meds faster. Which I don't want to because of side effects to my baby. Im trying really hard to tough it out, which is not easy.

Of course listen to your doc but I remained on cymbalta, lamictal and geodon with my last baby and she turned out fine and it saved me a lot of grief.

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I was triggered last night. My husband went away over night for work, like he has to do sometimes, and I thought I was OK while he was gone, but when he came home I was tired and angry and we fought and it escalated to screaming, crying and fighting for a while. Then today I woke up and I couldn't feel my baby moving and freaked out, and went to Dr to get an Ultrasound. (he is OK thank god).

Are you able to figure out specifically what the trigger was?

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I can't have this kind of $hit happening at my stage and its going to get worse, im going to get bigger in 3rd trimester. Meanwhile, I am dealing w/ the struggles of working from home, being alone all the time, (yet weirdly scared to be with people), trying to add things to my schedule but not so much that I get triggered w/ Anxiety, recently moved to a new place, having complications in my pregnancy and physical discomforts and then the regular stuff in life.

Does it sound like I simply need to up my meds and do more frequent therapy? (oh and I have a new therapist, my old one went on maternity leave). She gave me some goals to try to do some exposure therapy ie: go to coffee shop by myself, join a new moms group in town. These things give me a lot of anxiety. I made a friend on a facebook group in my town, and we were supposed to meet today, but ended up not b/c of my needing the ultra sound.

Maybe you need to up your meds, maybe more therapy but I believe you need more understanding from loved ones. Do you have any close family or friends to support you?

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I feel a bit like damaged goods lately. I want to give my son the best possible start at a great life with a great amazing mom and dad to support him. Im just nervous. My husband can be quite understanding at times, but he's all about equal rights and responsibility. ie: he can't just make the $$ I need to help too. He wants me to be a mom and to only go back to working part-time after baby is 1, which means putting him in daycare at 1 yo part time, which im coming around to (feeling a bit like I don't have a choice to be honest).

I may be biased with this but I am passionate about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay home with your baby for as long as you see fit. There is no magic age that suddenly makes it ok and easy to put the baby in day care. I know plenty of women who have careers and need to use daycare or want to use daycare but IME nothing takes the place of a stay at home parent. When the baby is sick and you are home, you leave to take the baby to the doctor. When the baby is sick and you have to pick him up from daycare, who will be doing that? Whose career will suffer for missing work with a sick baby, school plays, activities and milestones? Will your husband be doing all that? When the baby is in daycare he will be more prone to getting sick because the other kids are sick. Dont get me wrong, I hold nothing against any mom or dad that has to use daycare. I had my son when I was 20- I had to work and go to college so he was in daycare but I regretted it. I stayed home starting with the second baby and have been home fulltime since. Many women will make you feel like you have it easy or are lazy or a hundred other judgey things but its your choice. Your husband has a right to feel a certain way but IMO he doesnt have a right to "put a stop to it".

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When I tried to explain to my husband I might want to stay home, he thought there is no way that can happen and put a stop to it. So, I went and got a job and part of me thinks its to please him, but fortunately for me its a work from home job and optional in office time with a lady who is a new mom herself, so she understands and is willing to work a flexible schedule.

It does seem like you did it to please him. Does he know that? Is this a career job or a job to have a job?

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I don't know where on this earth I fit in. I feel like a huge misfit and I am almost 40 years old having my first baby. I am very happy about that, it is giving me so much hope and happiness.

Screw what people think about being 40 and having a baby. Good for you! Thank God you are able to have the baby.

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I tried to explain to my husband I am feeling depressed. I don't understand why but I am not getting the answers from him I would expect to. I don't know why. He is more focused on how we can fix that then even considering that it could be him or us. The second I say that, he freaks out b/c im blaming him.

But are you really blaming him? Why is he assuming that? A marriage issue or baby issue is a couples issue. It takes two people to work it out. Its not just your problem and you shouldnt be expected to suck it up and figure it out on your own- not if he loves you and this baby.
I hope I have been helpful. My heart goes out to you. SO many people that are not women, or mom's to be have an opinion on what you SHOULD be doing. As if its that black and white. You need loving support and I personally think your husband is lacking in this department. I just wanted to validate your feelings because they matter just as much as everything else in your life matters.

XXXOOO