I always seriously wondered about the toilet seat thing.
Honestly! What makes women think that "down" is the default toilet seat position? It takes just as much effort to put it down as to put it up, maybe less.

Has anyone heard Demetri Martin's line about oranges and carrots?

"I think they named oranges before they named carrots.
'What are those?'
'They're orange. Oranges.'
'But what about these?'
'Oh s***. ...Long pointies?'"