I have endured a very long hostage like situation. I was diagnosed with cptsd and I'm on medication. I was seeing a trauma specialist but I can only see her now every once in a while because I no longer have health insurance.
I have a disabled adult son I care for. We are both disabled but do not recieve disability. My spouse was psychopathic but took his life. People say that we're free now. It doesn't work like that. My son and I are working at living a normal life. It's been a harrowing task. I find it hard most times to do everyday things. I relive my nightmarish events almost every night in nightmares. I do not like to sleep. I have meds for that but they don't always work. My maintenance meds allow me to drive and go into stores again but my hypervigilance still limits me being in noisy situations, listen to music, concentration I need for tasks etc. I have friends but have no inclination to ever have a relationship, the thought makes my skin crawl. I feel emotionally dead. I get pleasure from nothing no matter how hard I try. I am still trapped. Will this ever end? Will the cage door always be open but I'm too afraid to leave it?