Hi Tryingtobecomehuman. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. It is difficult anytime anyone takes their own life. It must be rough being disabled and having a disabled son.

Do you have an advocate that can help you get disability for yourself and son, survivor's benefits from your husband's death, help with caring for disabled son, and much more that you may need.

There are no easy solutions. Have you asked about mindfulness to your trauma specialist as a possible path to "letting you out of the cage"? It can be as simple as feeling the breath, sensing what is around us, being aware of what we hear, smell, taste or sense to try to get an anchor to keep us from drifting in our trauma thoughts. It is not a cure all but it can give moments of relief.

here are short articles that may be of interest

Coping with Change: Feeling Safe as a Trauma Survivor | Happily Imperfect

Coping In The Aftermath of Suicide | Healing Together for Couples

Five Steps for Dealing with Trauma