I have substance abuse issues which I am managing well lately. I also have depression and anxiety.

Something I did to a coworker last year has recently come back to haunt me.

I was extremely drunk at last years Christmas party and I told a lie about an innocent coworker to try and be funny. I vaguely remember it except for flashbacks.

The next day when we were all sober another coworker said “omg is it true about coworker x - is what you said last night really true?”

Instead of coming clean I continued the lie.

I didn’t think anything of it until recently a senior member directly comforted coworker x saying I had said xyz about him.

It has come back to me now and I have deeply apologized to this coworker. He has forgiven me but management will be extremely angry when they inevitably hear about this through the grapevine.

My reputation is gone, likely my job too. I have truly never felt more miserable, worthless, and horrified.