I was always told I had bi-polar2 / anxiety. Recently, a peri-natal psychiatrist said I sound much more BPD. After reading this it seems very clear. She said BPD had a bad rep in the past, tended to be difficult people and hard to work with, and that since I am like-able and seemingly agreeable etc, others might have not wanted to see me this way. I resonate most with not knowing who the heck I am much of the time, not having defined feeling or grasp on myself, (even at almost 40 yo), married/divorced, lots and lots of rage that started maybe in my late teens/20s. I thought it was due to my Ex H, when we divorced, I lived alone for the first time in my whole life. It was very painful experience I was scared and lonely. Apparently BPD people don't like to be alone due to not having a firm sense of self. I married a great guy who encouraged therapy, and from there I have been healing. its not been linear, I have set backs, and need meds. I am going to be a new mom soon, I am really excited but also really terrified. And nervous if my little one somehow inherits this. But from what I heard, it also comes from a child hood full of lots of changes and shifts and instability. I had very grandiose type parents, they had me young and while doing their best, I feel I had a lot of instability. My mother would like us to stay home with her, or she would need us to do things for her, answer the phone, go into store. she obv had anxiety issues, which are worse now. I don't want to end up like that.... anyway, just thank you for this it was very helpful. I hope others can find healing and peace and a feeling of who they are and calm. <3