Hi WolfSpear, welcome to PC.

It sounds like you've been through a lot and I commend you for maintaining the attitude of a survivor. You seem to be rolling with the ups and downs and making adjustments to help yourself as needed. Self medication is a slippery slope though. I'd hate to see you induce psychosis with marijuana. It happens frequently and it can creep up on you fast. I went through psychosis recently and it was the worst and scariest experience of my life.

I can relate to abuse related PTSD. I had flashbacks from my childhood surface prior to my episode and it can be quite traumatic to relive those times. I keep reminding myself that I am an adult now and I make my own decisions. I am in control of who I allow in my life and I have the power to walk away from anyone that might mistreat me. Grounding myself into the current empowered moment helps make the past a little easier to tolerate.

You are not alone and I'm glad you reached out. I hope to see more posts from you in the future.