I'm mad I have to sit in a hallway waiting for classes to get out.

So I’ve been talking to my husband. I asked him to put up the tools. He was horrified. I tried explaining but it goes against my cleanliness issue. Now he doesn’t even want me in the kitchen because of sharp objects. He said I’m not getting better. I argued with examples and really pissed him off. I guess I haven’t been telling him the ****ed up things. He reminded me we’re not enemies. He firmly believes I need more medication, that this won’t just pass.

I have the feeling he would have contacted my treatment team if we were in WV. He was urged to call and I had access to walk in appointments m-f with pdoc. I know they’d be pissed. The whole quality of life speech pdoc gave me is echoing in my head. We were told we don’t get to make decisions about each others health. They fired us from that position because we’d let things go to far before intervention.

I need a team I trust, that trusts me. No one trusts me. I’m hopeful that new T will do that. I wish intake T was my T. I’m going to ask pdoc if I can see her monthly even when I’m well. If not I may ask my new T if any of their drs. can do that. I just feel wrong asking for appointments I don’t need when pdocs are hard to find. I’m going to ask my husband first if it’s okay with him. I have to do this before I accept this is just how my life is and get use to it. I told him his meds aren’t working either. He wanted me to give examples but I don’t want him to feel bad or get defensive. He already has enough stress with school starting.

The only break through symptoms right now is my leg shaking. H says it’s anxiety. Right now I’m in the mood I’d take any drug they’d throw at me I just want my head quiet, I’m tired. I’m counting down 17 days.