Please stay safe, blue... your health and safety is the priority! Allow yourself to get the help you need. I'm so sorry things are being SO HARD for you, you don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! I hope you'll be able to get help and that things will take better. As always, I'm here for you if you want to PM me and I'm sure many others will be available as well. Just focus on yourself and your own safety for now, ok? We care and you know that as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, bluebicycle, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!