I signed in today after being absent for a while, and I could feel the love reading all the PMs I've got. I haven't replied to any yet but will eventually at a snail pace.

I don't feel like I'm the same person and that's because I'm not. Looking back I can't believe that I used to get so upset about half the stuff that I did. I don't feel much at the moment and I'm not even worried about my upcoming exam.

This break around I didn't religiously count down the days until you would return. Our last session together was nice. I can remeber there was a lot of joking and smiling. Though you'd never say it to me. I could feel your love in that moment.Because I was me- I made you promise me that you would return and then still asked if you would really turn up to my session.

You said you would come back after the bank holiday, with our next session on the 29th. I find it comforting to know you're actually already home and having a few quiet days. ( you're active in your local environment group again.)

But here's the thing- I'm not ready to return back to therapy.