Hello and thank you for your replies everyone. Yes, we have an attorney and are fighting for his social security check , which we are allowed if we show disability. My son is presenting his case now and if he doesnt get it I will begin my journey at 50, in a little over a year. Yes, my therapist taught me mindfulness. It's difficult for me right now. Besides my husband I've had 4 other family deaths this year so I'm not what you'd call "with it" right now. I'm overwhelmed and exhausted. The loss of my husband was different. He was horrifying beyond the imagination. There is a grieving there...but it's oh so different. He was my hostage situation and all my dreams are of him coming back to life now. I do know that despite everything my son and I will keep moving. I'm glad to hear things will improve. There is no cure, but we can become better. I sure needed to hear your inspiring words. It's hard when there is no one you know has this disorder or understands it. I felt like an island.