For the past few years I've like really given up due to some terrible life events. About 3yrs ago I lost everything that had any meaning to me and everything I worked really hard for. I started using heroin and mdma to cope with my day. Definitely not the greatest idea, but It was the only thing I could turn too.

I recently got completely clean, and intend on staying that way.

My upbring was very very horrible and that's saying it nice. It definitely contributes to this addiction. Upon getting clean and being this way for almost 5 months now, I feel I have absolutely no one at all and feel incredibly alone and depressed. I went to my mom's the other day and all she did for 3hrs was just beat me down and judge me for absolutely everything. Saying all I do is whine and complain along with make excuses.

I moved to a small town that evidently has zero social events or community support. I gave up driving and can't get anywhere around me that does. Which I've explained to my family, but to them it's an excuse. That I'm isolating myself and not doing anything to get well. I've been 100% sober since April, no heroin/mdma use, no alcohol and even quit smoking weed. I attend all my appointments that I have too and have even sought out extra therapy till I can get into a rehab center. I've been eating a lot healthier like a lot has changed. Yet nothing I seem to do for anyone is good enough

Over the time since April I found out I had really bad tooth infections. Evidently from my drug use and have had easily 10 teeth surgically removed with zero narcotics. So obviously in a ton of pain. Over this time I agreed to help a good friend of my mine with a car problem and saved him 1500 dollars on labour and did the work for free for him.

During this time he has done nothing but ride my *** to finish this, and when I did I didn't even get a thank you like nothing. And when I use the car I instantly get a message saying you better put gas in if your going to use my car. That aside he told me a month ago all I was doing was making excuses to not finish it. When I've been tremendously sick and in a ton of pain. Not to mention it wasn't until 3 weeks ago I started to be able to function with the help of suboxone.

I spent essentially all last night crying and thinking of everything. It really hit me hard when I realized I don't overly have any support at all. The things I do for people, they just take 110% advantage of me. If I say anything they just make me feel like an asshole for standing up for myself. I honestly feel like nobody cares about me at all, friends or family. If I didn't have legal trouble right now I'd quite literally pack what I need and just leave without saying anything. I feel incredibly alone and worthless and it's beyond made me depressed to absolute ****. The past 3 years have been incredibly scary. I've attempted suicide 7 times and I don't even know how many times I've overdosed. I'm at my end here and honestly don't know what to do besides cry and just beat myself to **** because that's all I feel like I'm worth.