I am sorry for what you went through. It can be really hard for people who have gone through things others have not experienced. This could be a good place to write about your pain and find others who understand by reading a lot of posts until you find others that have experienced something similiar. Though my experience did not involve childhood--I wrote and wrote (on here and journaling) about what was causing me pain. Writing about it was activating--it opened the wound more but keeping secrets or feeling shame can cause a lot of problems/depression IMO. Eventually talking helped me put it in perspective/process it and now I don't want to talk about it that much anymore. My therapist calls this "compartmentalizing". Though something that has happened when we are very young must be so, so hard to deal with--my understanding is that is good to confront (even if you just write a letter to your dad which can be sent or tore up after you write it) and talk to a therapist, write, and/or post here. Now that I wrote about my pain, I try not to revisist it--I feel like I need to put it behind me and move on. Though I do understand that not everyone can "get over things." Whether you can put some of it behind you are not--acknowledge and feel it. I am sorry about your terrible experiences and hope you can find people who are able to listen and understand. Have you ever gone to therapy to discuss your pain? Also, I encourage you to talk about it here too! Hugs.