Please don't be hard on yourself, @AB2371! Anyone can make some mistakes. It's clear that you're struggling A LOT right now. Are you seeing any doctor or therapists right now? Taking any Meds? I feel like that could REALLY help you if you're not doing it already. Please be kind to yourself and take time to take truly great care of yourself. You deserve it. You're not a bad person. You're just someone who's struggling right now. Just take some time to take care of yourself and to do something you like. Rading, cooking, watching movies or TV shows, going out for a walk... ANYTHING that can help. Feel free to PM m ANYTIME as well if you're feeling lonely and need someone to talk to. I'll listen without judging. THAT'S A PROMISE! I'm sure plenty of others will gladly help you as well. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @AB2371, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Please keep fighting and keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already wonderfully doing all and entirely by yourself! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING!