@lovethesun: know it's no consolation to you but I have the same problem with my family.

Mother is very capable of dredging up things I've done and said to excuse her behaviour. Now have sister-in-law who takes arrogance to a whole new level (see "my sister in law lashed out at me").

I wish I knew why they behave that way. Perhaps it's some kind of insecurity or tunnel vision. There's a story which sums it up well -

On the river bank a frog sees a scorpion

"please can you take me across to the other side" asks the scorpion

"how do I know you won't sting me?" the frog asks

"I won't, as you're helping me" the scorpion replies.

"Okay, jump on my back" the frog replies.

when the frog reaches the other side, the scorpion stings him. As the frog lies dying he asks

"why did you sting me when I've helped you"

"because it's in my nature!" replied the scorpion."