Growing up in a dysfunctional family tends to create unwanted baggage and often this baggage can be such a burden once a person looks around at what others are engaging in and think to themselves, I have no idea how I could do that in a normal way or with any confidence.

If you can sit down and write out the things your father did that hurt you then it's a start to recognizing the things you personally need to heal from. Often, even though someone gets to a point where they can see all the baggage a parent created in them, that parent often will not admit they failed that child. Often this is because you are actually asking someone to give you something they never learned how to give you in the first place. That is like asking a person who is terrible at doing math to be able to point out the problems they could not solve in the first place and had no interest in solving either.

Even in trying to talk to family, it's not very surprising they try to aviod talking about it either, after all, they learned to just live with the dysfuntion, tune it out even, so they wont have the ability to listen the way you need them to. If you need to work through the challenges you experience from growing up in a family that was dysfunctional, you will need to spend time with individuals who KNOW how to listen to you and help you sort through your personal challenges. Someone who KNOWS what you need is not going to tell you that you need to JUST let go of your baggage. When people say that to you that means it's a waste of time to talk to these people about these things you struggle with.