But people can't really tell unless I tell them. I truly want to die. I'm just done trying. I'm not suicidal. My life keeps repeating, I'm not getting whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn.

I may have cancer, I hope it's deadly I have told people I'm fine if I die. But I still make future plans. If it comes to chemo I will refuse it.

Basically people in my family have some major health issue at 45, some die, some live to be 80's. Dad lived to 60's. I just feel like it's over for me, I give up.

I have no family that really loves me and wants me here. I'm tired of being used and abused. I hate that I went crazy, it screwed up my whole life. I may seem stable but honestly I'm not the person I wanted to be and have lost all hope of becoming that person.

I'm just ready to go, and I hope God is calling me home.