Hi Aviza, I am so sorry you are suffering.

How long have you been unwell?

I have felt the way you feel. I have often said I don't welcome cancer, but if I had it, I would not agree to treatment. To some degree, for me, this was depression talking.
When there are relatively young deaths within a family, each following generation feel their days are marked.

It sounds like you are currently passively suicidal? I say passively because you are not putting a lot of effort into committing suicide, but you are willing to sit back and to allow it to happen. I have been there.

I am sorry you have family who does not care. I have seen many people report their families do not care, when, in fact, their families do care but just do not know what to do about their loved ones pain. Of course, you know your family best.

You've written you hope God is calling you home. I'd like to point out the fact that although you wish God is calling you home, you have reached out here about the depth of your pain. Maybe your God will bring you some help through the love shown here at PC? At any rate, I hope you will find some encouragement and some hope via both your interactions here and elsewhere.

I can only hope you will be touched by at least one small spark of hope.

Please keep reaching out here and wherever you find helpful.