Dear all,

My new boyfriend is terrible in bed. The first time we kissed, he bruised my lip because he sucked so hard on it. He also sucked on my tongue so hard that it hurt. He also licks my teeth... The first time we had sex, he sucked my nipples so hard that I had bruises the next day. The kissing has improved because I told him that he was hurting me, but it seems hard for him not to do it.

I asked him to go down on me and he stopped after five seconds. He said that he had never done it before and that he didn't like the taste. I basically told him that is a non negotiable aspect of sex for me. He promised me he'd try it, but he hasn't yet. I refuse to give him blow jobs, even though I like giving them.

Sex with him is very weird. He doesn't make a sound, he doesn't say a word and it makes it very difficult for me to feel close to him. It seems he is completely disconnected during sex. Only one time it was going better, but then his flatmate came home and the mood was gone. I never had an orgasm with him and he doesn't seem to care.

Sex is very important to me and I am terribly frustrated over this. I try to stay calm, but if I think about it, I get really angry and really sad.

Outside the bedroom he is the perfect guy. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, very much aware of my feelings and needs and - unbelievable as it may sound - very tender. He holds me, he strokes my head and face, puts his arm around me, etc..

I am so happy that I finally found a great guy and I don't want to break up with him over this... What are your thoughts on this? Is this something that can be changed?

Mary Jane