Your post took my breath away. My heart aches for the place you are in, because I have also been in the deepest despair. This is a time to love yourself as much as you can. I know it is difficult in this state of mind, but I hope you can find some solace in the fact that this community cares about you.


It is so difficult when your mind has taken over and what you see is so dark. A rule that I have learned to live by is that if I would not say it or wish it for my child, I try not to say it or wish it for myself. After years of living on the rollercoaster, I can actually recall this rule when I am in the pit of depression and it has kept me from becoming suicidal. It has not made everything all better, but I find it does help some. At times this philosopy has even helped to spark a little hope...something no one can do without.


I will pray for you.