(Not suicidal or wanting to do any self-harm...)

I can't do this anymore... I give up, I mean I want to shut my mind down and my heart. Whether I live day to day, hour to hour or minute to minute - I can't do it - not for me anyway. I feel so f***ing worthless.

I don't see my Pdoc until the 9th of April - not that she is going to be that big of a help. I've got 2 nights of work ahead of me (fri./sat.) and then on sunday - I'm going out of town to spend sometime with my sister and her family. I will return on the following saturday and go back to work that night & sun...

I'm looking forward to seeing my sister - but sometimes it is hard - because I get memories that flood back in - especially those that I thought had been taken care of and I get set off. I just don't want to hear the "get over it" and "what do you have to be so depressed about' crap...

Anyway, that is all beside the point. I have actually been thinking about disappearing - just not coming back home. Maybe I will just cheange my flight and go somewhere far away - where no one knows me. Like that would make any differnece - it could I guess, I don't know...

I will have my computer with me, so I hope to be able to get on line every now and then. I'm not sure if I'll be posting anymore - but maybe reading some might help me out.

I don't know what or who to live for anymore...

Thanks to everyone for all your words of kindness and comfort...