Perhaps writing and talking about what happened will help you "feel" more.

Try not to worry about whether or not you cry about this or not. While it's not good to "hold it in", sometimes we get into situations where someone has to be "strong" (in order to make funeral arrangements, comfort other people, etc.) Also, everybody processes things differently and sometimes the grief can hit us years later at the most unexpected times.

As Mickey said--just be kind to yourself and everyone handles these things differently. Don't put "extra" expectations on yourself just try to accept what is (which will take time ). Hugs.