Eabtrees, I see you are a new member here at PC so first I want to welcome you to the forums. I am very sorry you experienced a rape and that you ended up having that horrible dream where you woke up so upset the way you did.
There are times where a person can have a bad dream like this and often it tends to happen when a person is in a current relationship and may be struggling with some deep subconscious worries due to a past relationship that turned out to present them with experiencing something traumatic.
When we dream we are experiencing REM sleep and that is when our brain tries to process and resolve our experiences and daily challenges. During our REM sleep, the brain tends to take an experience and connects that experience to the part of our brain that has problem solving skills.
What this dream was about was showing you what you can do and some of what you can't do. We cannot CHANGE things we experienced in our lives that caused us discomfort and in that moment did not know what to do to avoid whatever it was that we experienced.
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Then I heard a knock at the door. I asked who it was. I recognized the voice of a friend. I opened the door. My friend was there, and behind him, a line of strange men. I knew what was about to happen. I slammed the door closed. But my so-called friend had his arm in the gap. He was too strong. I black out at this part, knowing I was raped by strangers, and the person I was supposed to trust.
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This is not what happened in reality, however, this is most likely connected to how you FELT about this rape you experienced. It happened with someone you THOUGHT you could trust, and unfortunately this person did not have the ability to CARE about you and instead was being EXTREMELY selfish. In this dream as was the case in your experience, you were overpowered and it frightened you because when we are overpowered we experience something we would not choose to experience and we "feel" very helpless.
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I look around at their surprised and confused faces and I shout, “This man raped me! He doesn’t regret it! He enjoyed it during and he enjoys it now!” And my voice broke. And for a second it seemed like the people would go back to their business. Maybe the rapist would win.
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This is interesting in how your mind played this out. This most likely represents how you felt after this bad experience happened to you. Others don't know what to think, what to say to me either and may not even believe me so that means this guy can walk away still unaffected instead of feeling the shame I am feeling about this experience.
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I don’t. I walk up to him. He looks down at me and asks me what I plan to do. I say nothing. I reach out to strike him across the face but he grabs my arm. He is too strong. But I’m angry. I strike out with my other hand, grabbing his nipple through his shirt and twisting hard. At first he laughs. But I don’t stop. I go harder, I put everything I can into hurting him.
He crumbles to the ground. I place a knee on his chest, keeping him in place. The people in the bar are staring now.
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Then your dream took you in this direction. Instead of shrinking away not knowing what to do or say, in your dream you acted and people paid attention. Also, in your dream you made sure HE felt hurt and that you put HIM on the ground and overpowered him.
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But a few people came forward and took the rapist away. I felt like they were helping me. But my last thought before awaking was, “They’re protecting him from me.”
I woke up sobbing and screaming.
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You woke up from this last part very upset and with a question. Sometimes, when the agression or desire to punish is somehow taken away, it often reflects that part of the person who, even though they want the other person to feel shame and suffer like they did, they are not really the kind of person that gains satisfaction by hurting others. YOU are not a rapist. And often that can be why a person comes out of a dream often feeling very conflicted and confused and unsettled.
I do want to let you know something (((Eabtrees))), what this guy did with you reflected just how much he did not know how to engage in having sex with a female partner. What he REALLY did was take out HIS OWN LACKS on you when that happened. Truth is, you don't really need to twist his nipples and cause him to cringe and end up on the ground where you can put your knee on his chest either. Instead, if you ever saw him again, you only have to look at him in a way to convey how completely pathetic he was in that he was so completely inept at providing good sex and how he acted like a spoiled brat because he was so completely INADEQUATE. That's really how you bring someone like that down and to experience shame. Truth is, HE was the pathetic loser in that experience. Any man that leaves a woman the way you were left DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HE IS DOING PERIOD, he is just a pathetic loser.