Hi all, thanks for the replies. I sure have gone through a rut recently!!
I have been on all sorts of meds so far and pristiq was the only thing that worked, I cant afford that so we have cycled through SSRI's and SNRIs while hating the side effects of all. Effexor hasnt give me any side effects but I cant say it works either.

My original issues were depression, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. The meds do stop all the suicidal thoughts and panic attacks thankfully.. they just leave me feeling exhausted and I have no enjoyment for *anything*. Everyday feels like a never ending chore, it's horrible.

Today was my first day off with the kids away and I couldnt muster up any effort to even do my dishes. Going outside feels off limits and I'm just so tired of it.

I would happily take more meds but gaining weight is a sensitive issue for me and I can't risk that with any more meds than I already take feeling very hopeless today and it's the 6th day of upping my dose. Ugh.