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eskielover · Aug 26, 2019, 05:23 PM

I spent the last 13 years of my 33 year marriage (from 1994-2007) living in my own room over the garage before I was finally able to leave. I was in & out of psych & medical hospitals because it was better than being home. Can't even remember the number of sui attempts I had trying to get out permanently when I felt so trapped.

When I left I moved 2100 miles away & it still took me another 11 years to get divorced because of the financial mess he had made. It was an escape or get divorced & lose the money I had to escape.

Yep, bad choices on my part because I really didn't KNOW what I was dealing with at the time I made them & saw the red flags....rationalized them away.

The thing is.....after I left & established my own life for the first time in my life at the age of 54.....I have NEVER been happier. Yes I have had MAJOR struggles on my own but nothing like in my bad marriage because for the FIRST TIME, I was in control & responsible for everything in my life.

Yes, in a small town far away from the big city I lived all my.life, I found the best therapist also & a wonderful community that adopted me in a place where I knew no one when I moved.

The future does hold possibilities we have no idea even exist. We don't have to stay stuck when a door opens to get out but we do have to be the one willing to go through it to make our life better. We can't be frozen with fear that it will just be another bad choice. Sometimes it takes time for that door to open but we need to be mindful when it does & be willing to go through it.

Yes, I have learned better ways of handling situations with my now EX-H as I proved last summer when I had court issues to deal with against him. Even learning those better ways, I would NEVER be foolish enough to ever think of putting myself back in that unhealthy environment. Being able to handle things in a better way just helps to bide time until one can get out. IT DOES NOT SOLVE the problem.

Know you are capable of getting through this & into a much better place in your life & that can mean alone while you do take time to resolve your issues that have feed into the bad marriage too. We usually have some dysfunctional issues of our own that need to be fixed or we wouldn't have gotten into the position we are/were in in the first place. The problem comes when both are dysfunctional....it just gets worse not better.