I have been going through some rough crap over the last few months with no clear skies for the remainder of the year.

I am seeking counceling and have been put on Fluoxetine to go along with the Dexamfetamine for my ADD.

9 years of childhood abuse has been catching up on me in the worst way and has totally shattered my life and has torn me away from my family.

I am struggling to keep it together but it has been challenging. On July the 5th I was hospitalised after an attempt to end my decades of internal agony with recent events stacked on top of that.

I am currently onto my third week with the Fluoxetine but it has only dulled the intensity of what feels like an unending mental breakdown, something that I have gone through repeatedly with increasing intensity with each episode.

Currently, I am still struggling with the anxiety and mania, the latter being a new problem that has popped up in the ever growing list of problem's as my mind tries to cope with my childhood trauma, self destructive thoughts or behaviours and the negativity generated from my mental health problems and unhealthy coping mechanisms that I have ignored for decades as it snowballed into a full blown avalanche of mental instability.

I just hope I can survive the emotional cyclone that I am currently sitting in the eye of as I prepare for the worst that is still to come.

I once thought I was fine and I could fix it myself, but it turned out that the problem was far more serious than I first realised as everyone, myself included, was only seeing the tip of the iceberg that I was inevitably going to collide with.

What makes this even worse is that this is one of my better days where I am not drowning in my emotional chaos.