I was talking to a friend last year and he said he has problems finishing things but easy to start things. I said that I have problems starting things but no problem finishing things.

But tbh I also have problems finishing things cuz of cognitive fatigue. I plan on doing brain games because when I was walking with my mom and her bf yesterday, I realized, - "Do people in the mall think that my moms bf is my dad?" and I realized that looking at families walking in the mall, a lot of the time, a dad might be a step dad and a mom might be a step mom. Or the kid/kids could be adopted.

I believe training my brain to solve problems will allow me to be more creative and think outside the box. I like to flirt with psychosis sometimes to do that but I'm telling my psychiatrist to bring my Invega injection back to 3 weeks instead of every 4 weeks.

Podcasts changed my life. I plan on doing so many things and there's many things that I can do (Including exercise - I'm going hiking tomorrow.. So I guess I exercise moderately like mountain biking, skiing, going to the gym, taking walks, etc) but I need something to stimulate my brain constantly to motivate me (Vyvanse, reaching the top of a mountain.. something to work towards).

I want to go to school to become a biochemist like my cousin and pharmacologist. But I won't use those things on their own. I want to learn how to write better and then write books. So I'll probably sign up for a philosophy course soon just to get my mind sharp. I can't smoke weed if I want my mind sharp but idk.. I found studying anthropology hard because there was so much reading but my mind will get better with time.

I procrastinate a lot. I read slightly and most of the things I do are on the internet like learning how to make money in the future, learning about investments like bitcoin and blockchain. I was teaching myself how to code at one point and hack. But really I just start one thing, then stop and go towards something else. I try to build skills all the time but burn out with all the information I'm absorbing. I spend time reading articles on flipboard cuz it has like 100 topics.. But I never stick to one topic which is why I was thinking about liberal arts.. I feel like things get me nowhere. And all this started just 2 years ago after my intense psychedelic trip. If I don't know what an English word means, I look it up. When I have a weird thought, I google it and go down the rabbit hole.

I reward myself with laziness too much like "I'll listen to music and write".. I only started writing prose creative writing after my psychosis. Before that, I was dead inside and hated everything.

Lately I've been teaching myself how to draw. I remember drawing when I was like 12. I played guitar when I was 14. I never stuck with anything. I don't see the light sometimes. Nothing inspired me in the past. Now I'm constantly looking for inspiration to have motivation, happiness and well being.

Physical hygiene is ok. I shower once a week but I brush my teeth every morning, shave, gel my hair just for something to do and make my bed etc, clean my room before it gets too messy.

And I can't be alone anymore or else I go nuts. I need constant social interaction now (Having coffee with people), talking to strangers. I put a section in my notes called "Self improvement". I have to learn skills or else my brain will rot.

I get so depressed because it's really really hard for me to function with doing a variety of things and absorbing information. I plan on getting another part time job which will make me think about time being more precious and also putting a bit more stress on me. I think about my future a lot because I want to be able to be comfortable and travel the world. I hate being in the same place. Part of my problem is that my surroundings are so small and I feel claustrophobic. Even the mountains make me feel closed in because I can't see the horizon.

I look at the big picture too much. I don't pay attention to detail. I can't be comfortable to start going into youtube videos or netflix even though there's so many interesting things out there to watch but I feel like I'm neglecting everything else. To FOCUS is to IGNORE everything else. I can't focus.