These dreams make me think of my past. I feel worthless. Idk why I couldn't just wake up. Now I feel like I'm falling asleep again. Going back to my old state. I feel really confused and lost. I'm not a hippie anymore. Maybe I need to trip again but I'd risk psychosis.

My creativity is dead. I want to CREATE. But I can't. People have done bad things to me.

But I suppose I should think about how grateful I am to have what I have. That I'm in a safe environment. But this feeling is annoying. I'm annoyed by myself and my thoughts.

I might go for a walk at 8am and listen to a podcast. Then I'll be going hiking. I'm afraid that my moms heart will stop because it's an expert hike. She can't do it. I don't know what is wrong with her. She could die.

I'm becoming my past because I'm thinking about it too much.