My roommate's type of depression isn't the focus of my thread. The focus of my thread has to do with boundaries. Whatever is causing her to take advantage of me and invade my boundaries when she has hoards of people at her fingertips to help her, ISNT HELPING ME in my situation. So, feel free to start another thread where you empathize with my horrible roommate but please do not do that here! I didn't publicly rant so that you and Tams and seesaw could criticize me for not empathizing with my roommate. She is choosing to wallow in self-pity, and she is acting like she is helpless which she is not. I will never feel sorry for a rich woman who works anytime she wants, who has no financial problems other than an ex-husband who she argues with in her home about child support and her stocks.

I was in a housing crisis and thought moving in with her would be the right choice, that it would be safe, that I wouldn't have to take care of another adult after spending a YEAR of my life sacrificing my time away from work (thus losing income for a year) and social life to take care of my mother. No one in this thread seems to acknowledge the toll that takes. You don't think I was depressed during the past year? That I wanted to wallow in self pity and hide from my responsibilities? If I did that, what would that solve? It would solve nothing.

So, that is why I view wallowing in self pity as an act of entitlement. Not an act of helplessness. I will never empathize with people who wallow in self pity. Wallowing in self-pity is selfish and it's an attempt to elicit sympathy from people, so that the wallower can perpetuate their self-pity party. People who wallow in self-pity do it as an avoidance tactic because they don't want to suffer. Self-pity is a choice, regardless of what you think, it is a choice. When people become depressed and allow self-pity to occur, that is because they are self-absorbed and choose to focus on what's bothering them vs. facing it and dealing with the negative emotions (fear, anxiety, anger, frustration) associated with what's bothering them. So, self pity = self absorbed. It's harmful because it doesn't solve the problem it just postpones any resolution. I.e. hiding from problems does not solve them.

My roommate can CHOOSE to spread her misery (which she is doing by texting her friends to bring her food over to eat, texting me to take care of her son, her household), or she can CHOOSE to face her depression over being sued by her ex-husband for child support and face that and rise above her circumstances. My roommate is CHOOSING to let her depression consume her life. No one is forcing her to stay in bed all day doing nothing but text food orders etc. to her friends to bring over to her. She is very manipulative to do that. And these friends must know this about her, because since she started acting this way, none of her friends have come over to her house anymore. My roommate is choosing to be a self-inflicted victim of her depression. She rejected my attempts to help her by providing her with phone numbers and names of walk in clinics. She is CHOOSING to suffer. I have no respect for people who choose that. I only respect people like my father, who rose above his circumstances of having bone marrow cancer and showing up to his work every day, spending time with his wife and children and family and friends despite having cancer which also gave him depression.

Yes, people handle depression in different ways. The wrong way to handle it, is to whine, and mope. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

So, defending my roommate for her depression is not supportive to me. It doesn't actually help me, to be attacked for viewing her as choosing to suffer instead of take control of her life. So, please stop judging me and attacking me. That isn't nice.

I already sacrificed one year of my life to care for my mother because my siblings wouldn't. But I'm not required to take care of my roommate. All I'm required to do is pay rent for the guest room I'm renting. That's all. That's all I intend to do from today forward, until I can find another place to live by October 1st.

People who are truly helpless are those who are handicapped, those who have autism, those who are recovering from TBI's, or recovering from strokes, heart attacks, or surgeries. But a rich middle aged woman who has no real world problems other than an ex-husband who wants her money. She is not helpless. No way.