Needs are a very difficult thing to express - we seem to feel as if our needs aren't important and having them in some way makes us selfish or something, I don't know. But I do understand how hard it is and the same with feelings - we like to deny those. After many years, i have just started to express my feelings and I'm still not okay with it, but I believe we have to try. I also have spent a lot of sessions "checked out" but I think of it as "zoning out"... I have done that not just in therapy but also when anyone would talk with me about myself. I could be with friends, teachers, family, at church - wherever. I don't do it as much any more, but I have to consciously make an effort.

I love the fact that you could even touch fingertips - how special. One step at a time. When you finally accept the hug - you will just have it in your memory bank - so that it is always there. One T I had would kiss the palm of my hand and then close my hand into a fist and tell me to save it for later. I would go for hours - afraid to open my hand becuase I didn't want to lose that kiss.

You are doing so good. Keep it up...