Oh man,what an awful situation.I can so... relate to this.I have been all over the internet to make sense of my entire life and how I feel lost now.Oh my,Oh my......We both went through a hideous form of child abuse called parentification.Useless parents choose one of their children to play the role of an eternal slave.Usually the oldest is scapegoated. I am the oldest in my family.My mother was never a mother. We are programmed since childhood to be these robots who are there to do servitude to eveybody.They do not exist as human beings. They are lost souls.I know how you feel.You are desperately trying to find yourself.You can PM me if you want to share your feelings.I am here to listen.