I'd be glad to be living so far away from my mother in your shoes. It is so hard having a difficult relationship with a parent. There's a lot of guilt and feeling like you need to do whatever it takes to make it work because that's what's 'normal.' At the same time, our parents may have given us an unhealthy idea of what 'normal' is. Your mother could have corrected her mistake but it sounds like she doesn't feel like she made one. It's a repeat of the behaviors you saw as a child - it's not her fault.

Have you told your wife you aren't sure if you are doing the right thing by cutting off contact with your mother? What does she think about it?