The main things were that my dad was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery and chemo etc. then a few weeks after he was given the all-clear he started to feel ill again and was then told the cancer was back, in multiple organs and was untreatable. He died 6 weeks later.
I was also being bullied at work by my manager (though this is not an issue any more).

Over the last few years I have tried more drugs and combinations of drugs then I can remember, have tried different types of therapy and everything has just made me feel worse. Now I am running out of options and I can't help feeling that this is my fault, if I am not actually ill then that explains why the medication etc. didn't work and I have just been wasting everyone's time for the last few years.

I had to call the mental health team again today

but I know that they won't be able to do anything. Last time I felt like this they sent someone from the crisis team round who told me that there is nothing they could do because I wasn't in crisis...