I am continuing to drive down this road called life. As much as I may hate it at this point there is a small voice inside that whispers, "some day you'll be past this chapter in your life and the road will smooth itself out - eventually". I will continue to try...today., tomorrow is a new day...and I will try again. I do get to be alone because I live alone...except for my fish . The family I referred to is my adult siblings and my folks. I try to talk to them, but they seem unable to relate. I can not share my feelings with my friends..I just can't do that. I have seen a psych before ...it helped...life got better for many years, and yes it did have some significant ups and downs, but nothing that was interferring with my daily life....then WHAMMO!!! It has hit hard...unexpectedly....with no sensitivity....and I am caught completely off gaurd! So any way...it does help to post here. I have looked up therapist in the area, but am just not ready to take that step yet.

Pseudonym- I am so happy that you went out with your stepfather and it went better than expected. I am glad both the food and the conversation was good. Your actions of physically going through this event has been encourging to me as I look at myself and think -- yes I can follow your lead and and take the more difficult road.

Thank you all for your continued support. It means a lot to me.