My body is shaken up and I've been eating very light now because my stomach is hurting so much from the loss of my older brother. He committed suicide on the the 27th of this month. I had a horrible childhood and as did he. Our father molested us both at a very young age and he ended up taking his life because he couldn't deal with the pain any longer. Many years he's been putting on a brave face for everyone and acting as if he was okay, when he truly wasn't okay.

I feel like I'm re-living my entire childhood again now that this happened and I'm planning on going back to therapy. My mother is lost and my younger brother is devastated. My whole body is numb and shakes every so often anytime the memory comes up. I miss my brother so much and I feel as if I'm living in a dream. I'm in a dead like state right now which I'm sure is pretty normal. Wish I could say more, but I just can't....

Please move this topic or delete if this isn't allowed, I just can't keep this inside of me anymore... please understand. Thank you.