I am sorry you haven't had good sex. (Sex is better when we are more relaxed about needing wanting it and not ashamed to ask our partners for it and when we have a partner that says yes alot from my POV.)

Many people think sex (and having an orgasm somehow and sometimes oral sex it the only way to get there) is sort of a requirement (look where it falls below ) or they get grumpy:

I think it is safe to say that my husband and I consider it like a duty to try to satisfy each other (how often varies/ebbs and flows for me/he is always ready but we would be divorced for sure if we had not for 5 years....)
Relax (however you have to until you can get comfortable whether with drugs, etc though I don't need drugs for sex--SSRIs actually make it more challenging sometimes for me now but it just means more work for him for a change ) and practice, practice, practice--the same goes for your wife. I would be obssessed too if I hadn't had sex in 5 years.