Hi IcyFire. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry that you have suffered and are still suffering so much trauma in the relationship and raising kids all alone.

Any professional help you can get might be a real help in trying to cope with the loss of a relationship. I have heard that people need to reinvent themselves when they are grieving and feeling loss. It is almost like you are in a whole new movie, but the old one is still playing in your head. That might be the trauma. This may be of interest:

Trauma After Abuse

The Ultimate Pain: Recovering from Trauma

There are no easy answers to your situation but there may be life style changes that may empower you and lessen the fear and anxiety you feel. Yoga and exercises really help me to feel more grounded. I checked with my doctor to make sure I was in good physical health before starting. These are free yoga and exercise videos I use

YouTube

YouTube

There are also support groups. Check in your area for those.

Hope you get the support you are seeking.