This will probably sound a really silly issue but it's really upsetting me.

T has said many times that if I need to text her during the week she will always reply. This means a lot to me because past Ts have not done this and one T in particular told me she found me controlling because I apparently wrote messages in such a way that 'forced' her to respond (even though she mostly didn't). When a T does not reply, I feel really rejected and disconnected as I feel I can't rely on the connection. Current T is, I feel, really trying to show me that she is here for me.

And she has always replied and very quickly too. However, there was an exception quite recently. During a session I asked her if I could send her something because I'd been too scared to send it earlier. T replied that of course I could. So later that day, after the session, I sent it plus a message saying I hoped she could open it okay (as I had to send it via one of those apps for large files). I waited for her to respond, but she didn't.

By the next day she hadn't responded and I was feeling really upset and disturbed. Part of me thought maybe it didn't need a response because T and I had agreed that I would send it. I wasn't expecting her to respond to what i'd actually sent because it was too long and more a subject for a session. T never does 'therapy' via text, she just sends short but reassuring replies. But I thought she may have acknowledged my text and said she was able to open the file. Or something. The fact she didn't has completely thrown me.

I was having a difficult day later in the week and I text her again, to which she responded. To be honest, part of the reason I text her was to see if she would actually respond to me. I was relieved that she did. But no mention of the first text.

It has left me feeling relieved that she has replied to text 2, but really uncertain that she is actually going to respond to all messages like she said. Even as I write this I can hear how ridiculous this sounds, but it's such a difficult issue for me, especially due to how past Ts have handled it. This T is so empathic and caring and tries hard to be consistent.

It's not just about the text, it's whether she can be consistent. Its whether I can trust without backing away and doing my usual thing which is thinking it's all pointless because she doesn't care etc.

I probably should talk to her about my feelings re her lack of response but I'm worried I will come across as controlling and also from then on there will be a certain tension around me sending texts because she will know I want replies no matter what. I don't want to MAKE her send them, I want her to want to. It feels too risky to go there. But I don't think I can say nothing either.

It probably doesn't matter in the scheme of things. But I feel so thrown by this.

I'd appreciate any perspectives. But please no T bashing. My T is a really good safe T other than this. I know I'm giving away my power by wanting her to reply. I know I shouldn't really care. I KNOW all this, but I'm feeling this way anyway.