I might be completely wrong about this, but this doesn’t seem controlling at all as much as fearing things might suddenly not be under control. Object constancy or lacking faith in object constancy is acutely painful. That is what comes to mind when you hurt over not getting a reply to every text. Somehow, these bids for contact and their consistent reply stand in for the internalized sense she is keeping you in her mind and being largely the same person in the same state of connection as last time as when you last engaged with her. I struggle with object constancy in a different way. It seems like you wouldn’t put so much time and effort into texting in the first place, if it didn’t serve a crucial, fundamentals purpose.