Hello everyone,

I don’t normally start threads or visit this side of the forum, but I desperately need some help on how to effectively be a source of support for my younger sister during her divorce. I’m hoping some of you whom are going through a divorce, been through a divorce or supported someone though a divorce can help me get insight into her thoughts and feelings and tell me how I can help her best.
Here is some backstory:
(Please bare with me. This is going to be long)

Sister gets into her 20’s and meets a nice guy. They date for a couple years, get married, have a nice wedding and both say they want to start a family. They are happy. Sister and husband try for months and months to have a child to no avail. They go to the doctors, get some help, husband goes on medication to increase sperm count, they finally get pregnant. During her pregnancy they fought a lot. Everybody chalked it up to hormones and the stress of getting ready for their new arrival. 14 months ago they welcomed the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen into the world.

So here we are. Baby is 14 months old. I found only 6 weeks ago that the fighting from when they were pregnant never really settled down much. Turns out they were always fighting because husband didn’t want to change how he lived his life just because baby was here. He still wanted to go out every weekend and drink and party. He never wanted to turn down an invitation to go do something with friends. He would say “Take the baby. Bring the pack and play. She will sleep through it”. Husband is a part of a car club and frequents car shows. He never understood why sister didn’t want baby to sit out in 90 degree heat in a parking lot full of cars all day. The husband began to have an “emotional” affair with a woman. He claims nothing physical happened. But the other woman’s husband found out that his wife was getting closer with another man and the guy threatened to tell my sister so husband told her what was going on.

They went to marriage counseling. My sister said the husband wouldn’t try any of things the counselor suggested. The fighting escalated to literally non stop. They talked and it was decided it’s time to end the marriage. Sister wrote an agreement but the husband said he wants to go to a mediator. They go, can’t come to an agreement. Mostly it’s about custody of the baby. He decided now he wants to be a real dad and wants 1/2 custody. Also he doesn’t think my sister is entitled to half his assets. But she is- so he won’t sign the agreement the mediator put together. They are not rich. Assets are not huge. I think he using the baby as leverage to save money.


Here is where I need the most help
My sister and the husband are still Living together because neither of them want to abandon the house and forfeit their rites to half the equity or the stuff in it. There is also something in the law about how she can’t just take the baby and go even if he knows where they are staying. My sister took a long time to hire a lawyer, I think because she is scared to face the custody battle and give up her daughter half the time. She finally decided to hire one-only to fire him a lose her retainer. She keeps telling us how she just wants this to end but she isn’t doing anything to help move it forward-again- I think it’s because she knows her husband is claiming he wants half custody. Every lawyer she consulted with told her he is entitled to that if he wants it. She is breaking down mentally. She can’t eat, can’t sleep and is right on the verge of a nervous breakdown that is going to land her in the hospital. She is scheduled to see a therapist. But she won’t hire a lawyer to start moving this forward. She has gone to 6 consultations. None of which were free. Every time she says she found a lawyer she likes, she finds a reason why she doesn’t like said lawyer and goes to consult with more. I really think the issue is her having trouble coming to terms that he is entitled to the baby half the time. I’m hoping you can help me figure out what her thought process is. Every time we try to talk with her and tell her she just needs to get a lawyer now, she tells us to back off, leave her alone and she can’t talk about this stuff going on 24/7. My sister doesn’t have to worry about the money for a lawyer. My family has that covered so I know money is not an issue. If my sister breaks down, the husband can have her ordered out of the house.

I WANT TO MENTION THROUGHOUT ALL THIS HE NEVER LAID A HAND ON MY SISTER OR THE BABY

I’m looking for ways I can best support my sister. Because I’m highly overwhelmed and upset about this. I can’t stand that I’m watching my younger sister fall apart and can’t fix it. Thanks for reading if you got this far.