Hi there,
I'm new here, and it's worth noting that I feel the exact same way to the extent that I started this profile just so I could talk about it with someone else.

I've been through many medications, four-five therapists, four pyschiatrists, and two rounds of TMS. Also had multiple ER visits.


One of the ER visits seriously complicated my existing PTSD because a crisis counselor on the phone (who I trusted and was talking to) basically lied to me to the point where she s'chmoozed me to letting police into the situation without telling me. She told me she was sending a counselor or whatever.The police treated me like a criminal, they took me to a hospital where I was previously sexually assaulted even though I begged them to take me to another nearby hospital. They didn't care. Then he told me to stop crying cuz I was hurting his ears, and he would put me in the cage or whatever. So demeaning, and definitely changed my regular PTSD to "complex PTSD" which is a HUGE game changer in my recovery.


I once tried IOP which led to a hospitalization due to how triggering it was (people were very unskilled - it was appalling), and I still have nightmares about the hospitalization. This was an inpatient facility - the staff were incredibly demeaning, called us by numbers, mocked me when I asked if he could sharpen my pencil because I couldn't sleep and wanted to write. There's no conditioner, so if you wind up there unexpectedly like I did, then sucks to be you. The showers are dark and have mold growing on them - there are no hooks or benches to hang your clothes or towels so you're forced to put it on the dirty floor. I showered with my hospital socks on because it was so appalling These are just a few of the highlights, but I could go on and on about how horrible it was. This complicated my PTSD even more -- I now have severe sleep issues and dream about this almost every single night, over a year later.

I truly feel the system has failed me.

The past 7-8 years I've dealt with extreme fatigue and doctors never took me seriously. Finally this past year, I fall asleep at work and my boss demands answers. so finally, I get referred to a sleep study that indicates Idiopathic Hypersomnia (similar to narcolepsy) wehre I can just sleep and sleep and sleep. The only way to treat it is with meds, many of which are stimulants and controlled substances. The pharmacies and doctors often get it wrong so you'll go to the pharmacy only to find out you can't get your meds, and it's a weekend so you can't get ahold of your doctor, but if you don't have the meds for work on Monday you might get fired for falling asleep...... but no no cares. They tell you to just hang on and deal with it.

I've since lost my job and my whole life. I feel like the stress caused by these doctors, pharmacies, hospitals, and medications has made me even worse than I ever was.

To top it all off, how demeaning is it to constantly be belittled by doctors - they ignored my sleep issues for YEARS. They also don't listen to me in general when I talk... now they seem surprised that I'm getting worse. To not be listened to by all these doctors, and to have them put you in care that actually causes reduced harm... has an incredible impact on the psyche. When you're a child and you trust your parent and they betray you, it causes severe mental health problems. At this point, I feel like a rejected and abused child by the medical system who was "supposed" to be on my side -- a huge mind ****.

Hoping for a brighter day, but hopeless if that makes sense. I want to write an EBook about this and expose the truth if anyone is willing to jump in on that goal with me.